Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
whose ass print is on the piano?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
