My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
