dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
