Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
