i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
