I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she pinky promised me she was 18
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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