all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
