if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
