This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize