He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
