it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
