if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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