I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
