It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I will pee on everything he values.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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