saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
