Ambien. No doubt about it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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