ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
