somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
