The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
