The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
