he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
