A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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