so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
