Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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