if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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