i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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