Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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