i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
