I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
