dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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