...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize