Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
