So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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