I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
