Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
