I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
