So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
