Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
