do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
