she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
