You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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