Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
