I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
