Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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