Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
