I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
