These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
