Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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