if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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