The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
