We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
