my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
