Got a toothbrush?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
