In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
