you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
