i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
