Can i not drive my cunt home
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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