all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
