Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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