You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
