if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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