Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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