I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
