i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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