i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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